Evolution

If I look at a single year in my life, in any of a number of relatively recent years, it's hard to tell whether a lot happened or not much at all. Much of each year, for me, has in recent years been the same: the routines of work, and the routines of home, and the routines of my relationship have become fairly predictable. Somedays I find the patterns comforting. Other days, depressing. With the exception of an occasional trip or the birth of a child, my years, of late, have tended to blend together.

But watching Quinn's evolution in the course of a single year reminds me of what is possible: evolution itself. Human sea change.

I've been writing stories here since the beginning of 2011 and, to my great surprise, a number of friends and family (and even some people I don't know) have been reading them. Thank you for reading them. Having an audience has helped motivate me in this project to document, ultimately for Quinn, some of the stories that led to her existence, and some of the details of her coming to be.

What's becoming more clear to me every day is that Quinn is already doing a good job expressing herself, and little by little I am becoming an outside observer of her life, rather than the sole creator and voice for that life. And, little by little, as Quinn evolves, it is becoming clear to me that I must as well if I am to stand any chance of keeping up with her. As I look back on 2011, I am struck by the number of distinct phases we passed through together. This was not a year of mundane routines, or of one day blending seamlessly into another. This was a year of sea change.

Earlier this month, I found this quote in the back of The Sun magazine: 

"The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new." -Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh

And it seems to me that passing through a year, with a child, is an experience of each day also being absolutely new. I've been writing and planning stories for Quinn in hopes that someday she'd find some inspiration in them, or some insight into the world. What I realize now, at the end of this unbelievable year, is that I am gaining more insight than I have insight to give.