Short and Sweet: A Life

Cleaning out and reorganizing old files today, I found something my mom sent to me in 1992, the year before she died, which was my junior year in college. It's a book called Life's Little Instruction Book, written by H. Jackson Brown, Jr. and published by Rutledge Hill Press. Inside the front cover, she had written this:

To Kerry,

A Summary of "Life with Mom

over the last 20 years."

Love,

Mum

xoxoxxx

P.S. Now you never need to feel very far from home!

It would have been just like my mom to read the whole book herself before sending it, just to be sure she actually agreed with the various words of wisdom she was advocating. Actually, I don't know if it was just like my mom, but I think it was, probably because that is something I would do. My mother, like me, had strong opinions; she circled the entries she really liked and put an X through those she didn't.

It's been years since I last reorganized files and would have last seen this little book. It was a long time before I was married, living in my little house, hanging out with my little babe. So, reading through the highlighted entries now is appealing in a whole new way. It's especially nice to realize that we agree on so many things. 

These are the entries she crossed off in disagreement:

68. Be brave. Even if you're not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference.

117. Install dead bolt locks on outside doors.

118. Don't buy expensive wine, luggage, or watches.

148. Learn to handle a pistol and rifle safely.

302. Lock your car even if it's parked in your own driveway.

And these are the entries she circled for emphasis:

83. In business and in family relationships, remember that the most important thing is trust.

87. Even if you're financially well-to-do, have your children earn and pay part of their college tuition.

93. Choose your life's mate carefully. From this one decision will come ninety percent of all your happiness or misery.

175. Give people a second chance, but not a third.

297. Remember that a successful marriage depends on two things: (1) finding the right person and (2) being the right person.

383. Understand that happiness is not based on possessions, power, or prestige, but on relationships with people you love and respect.

421. Take care of your reputation. It's your most valuable asset.

This last one, the last one in the book, she circled with a heart.

511. Call your mother.

My mom died the day before her birthday at the end of July in 1993. This year she would have been 65 years old. If she were home right now, I would call her up and tell her I just found that little book again. I would tell her how much I appreciate the sentiments of Number 297 because this year I have been thinking a lot about how to hold things together. I would talk with her about how fairy tales can really mess you up…I mean, Prince Charming, really, it's that easy? So much of the emphasis in this mating game is put on finding the right mate, finding The One. Where is the fairy tale that instructs us on how to be the right mate? And please, do not talk to me about Cinderella. The part about the Fairy Godmother I can believe, but sitting around sulking and feeling sorry for herself? Well, let's just say that's never worked for me. 


Though it might work for Quinn because she is just so freakin' cute!

And that brings me to Number 511. If I had my mom on the phone, I'd tell her that I'm writing these essays to give to Quinn someday, in case I don't make it to 65 either and she finds herself looking for a way to "call her mother." If I could talk with my mom today, I would thank her for always being the kind of mom I could call…well, except that one time when she thought I wasn't working hard enough on Number 421…but that's a story I probably won't write for Quinn. 

This year, to commemorate my mom's birthday, I'll do what I've been doing for the past three years since I've had my own gardens: I'll buy a plant she would have liked and I'll plant it for her. And, this year, in honor of her sometimes rebellious and always joyful spirit, I'll break rule Number 118 on her behalf. Here's to you Mum! xoxoxxx